#1.They Both Like To Destroy StuffThis one should be easy to guess, but in case you haven't heard, Ms. Cyrus has a (very annoying) song called "Wrecking Ball." The song is referred to as a breakup song and was the most watched VEVO clip of 2013.
It should be noted that the references to her music as being atrocious, horrible, and/or intellectually harmful that may or may not come later in this article are purely opinion, and any assumptions made about her lifestyle or how evil she is for secretly wanting to destroy the planet are purely the result of speculation on my part.
"Wrecking Ball" was featured on Cyrus' 4th studio album, entitled, "Bangerz." The song became her first number-one hit on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100. Clearly, there's something more sinister at work than a maladjusted young adult who likes to swing on pieces of heavy machinery in the nude.
I believe she's referring to her plan to destroy the world, by pummeling it with her wrecking ball-like lyrics, which are heavy on the repetition, and about as dense as the asteroid that will eventually bring about our desolation as a species (provided Miley hasn't already gotten around to it herself by then).
Honestly, what is this song about? All I remember hearing is, "I came in like a wrecking ball!" over and over again. It's as if she was trying to give us clues in some sort of parrot mimicry fashion, helping us arrive at the terrifying conclusion that she is somehow going to end us all with a giant wrecking ball.
#2. Miley Cyrus is a Contralto...just like Pestilence, a certain Horseman of the Apocalpyse. In the book of Revelations, John (who is also referred to as John of Patmos, more on this later) writes, "Then I saw the Lamb broke one of the seven seals and I heard one of the four living creatures say as with a voice of thunder, 'Come'".
Now, I'm no expert, but thunder and contralto sound exactly alike, so I'm pretty sure Miley Cyrus may in fact be Pestilence. Or at least have something eery in common with him. In which case it means she's probably plotting with him.
Of course, if you were to believe Billy Graham, he sees Pestilence, or the rider on a white horse, as the antichrist, due to the dissimilarities between the white horse in Revelation 6 and Jesus on a white horse in Revelation 16. In this case, Cyrus could be the harbinger of all biblical doom, bringing destruction, hellfire, and brimstone down upon all of our heads. All the while, tormenting us with a poppy tune that will be stuck in our heads for eternity. However, it could be that the entire book of Revelations is, you know, a drug-induced fabrication.
The writer of Revelations describes himself as John, and states that he was on Patmos when he received the visions detailed therein. Traditionally, this has been taken to be John, the son of Zebedee, which would allow for greater continuity throughout the bible. In the book, "Crisis and Catharsis: The Power of the Apocalypse," Adela Yarbro Collins states that, "The author [of Revelations] does not refer to himself as apostle or disciple of the lord," indicating that this John did not think he had any special connection to Jesus or an other part of the Holy Trinity. Furthermore, Collins goes on to challenge whether it was intended to be something as simple as someone just pretending to be John, son of Zebedee, concluding that, "The self-presentation of the author of revelation is not in the style of a pseudonymous writer."
#3.Miley Cyrus Was Almost Time's Person Of The YearMs. Cyrus was actually chosen by TIME as one of their finalists for person of the year in November of 2013. She recieved 16.3% of the total. vote. Now, she never became their person of the year, but this is an important moment in history. It can be easily demarcated when one realizes that the amount of votes she recieved is representative of pure evil.
As I stated, she recieved 16.3% of the vote. As we all know, one multiplied by six equals six. That accounts for the sixteen, but what about the 0.3%? Well, six multiplied three times equals 6 6 6!!! That's triple sixes, that's always bad in the movies. Also, in TIME's person of the year contest, Syrus came in third place. Six is divisible by three, people! That must be important somehow.
Surely you can see from the mounting evidence how dire our situation is! The longer we wait, the more likely Miley Cyrus is to become the Antichrist...or something. I will NOT let that happen. I will at the very least be forming a neighborhood watch, dedicated to vigilantly watch the skies for signs of the tribulations to come. I suggest you do the same in your own communities immediately.
#4.Miley Cyrus & Madonna: MTV UnpluggedOn January 29th, 2014, Miley Cyrus played an MTV Unplugged show with Madonna, which was said to have been the most viewed Unplugged session of the last ten years. The sheer staggering numbers of viewers she commands through her evil and manipulative performances on stage, on television, and in feature-length films should be enough to tell you that the Apocalypse is nigh.
If you're not convinced,do a quick Google search for "miley cyrus' and you'll see all of the degenerate things happening around her. Recently, a schoolteacher was found to have uploaded nude photos of Miley Cyrus to a school computer, she gave up her new dog after her previous dog's "gruesome death", and the star even talk about why she loves drugs so much.
Actually, I think it's time for some more math. If you add one to two you get three. If you then add three to nine you get 12. If you then divide that 12 by the 2 in 2014, you get six. Six times one equals six, which multiplied by four is...wait a minute...6 6 6 6!!! It's A Quadrupocalypse; it's worse than I previously imagined!
This means the entire UNIVERSE is doomed. Unless my calculations are a bunch of bull, and I'm reading way too much into a pop culture star. Perhaps my anticipation for the end times is simply due to every generation's yearning to be the last testament to life on Earth; to have their record go down in history as the high point of mankind's existence, and really, that of all creatures. Alas, this is all entirely too possible.
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